oh sister!

Yesterday, on my way to the 2nd night of our Women's Film Festival (see yesterdays post), a woman driving a motorbike with a man sitting behind her sped past me. I thought, "Wow! things are really changing."

Now I think, "Wow, things are so bad that I think THAT is a sign of change!"

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A few days back, I was chit chatting with my downstair's neighbor as she served her two sons (one in college and the other is a bachelor working in the finance sector) dinner.  Their eyes were fixated on the cheesy Gujarati soap opera blinking in front of them while she added scoops of rice, mixed vegetables, and curry to their plates. She will eat when they are finished, if there are leftovers.

I couldn't resist, I had to protest.

I imagined marrying one of them and the expectations they would have of me as their bride. I would be expected, not only by them but by the entire community, to stand over my husband and serve him meals each and every day, not to mention each and every meal since most come home over their lunch hour.

The life of a woman here often makes me cringe. The man gets an education, gets a job, gets served by his mother, gets to select a bride, gets served by his wife, and gets praised by the culture for his manhood. Mothers spoil their sons because they want to be cared for in old age and wives want to live up to the expectations of a Perfect Bride.

Meanwhile, every day I read articles in the paper of women and children being abused, raped, and committing suicide. They are short blurbs hidden on page 4 or 5 with little details about the perpetrator of the violent and inhumane crime.

And if thats not enough, if a woman falls victim to rape, it is her fault. In December, a Russian woman was raped in the touristy Goa by a local politician.  The MP (a governor-esq figure) of Goa's response?

He said while rape was a heinous crime, "...an alleged rape of a lady who moves with strangers for days together even beyond middle of the night is to be treated on a different footing". (printed in the Times of India)


Shortly after, a 9 year old Russian girl was raped in Goa. 


Tourists make it into the paper, but crimes against Indian women and girls are old news.  The 'Study on Child Abuse: India 2007' Conducted by the Ministry of Women and Child Development in association with UNICEF, Save the Children and Prayas, revealed that children between 5 to 15 years suffers higher sexual abuse. 


As I write this post, another article appears on the Times of India site, just in time to wish us all a Happy International Women's Day: Another 9 year old victim


I dont want to mark today on a sad note, but I think about gender daily. I cant walk around Vastrapur Lake alone because I get home from work after dark, I think twice about what I wear (I always wear a scarf to cover my chest, a long shirt to cover my hips and pants to cover my legs), I look down when I walk past men as they howl at me, and when I remember I wear a bangle on each arm to show that I am married (even though I am weary of marriage).  All of this not because I think something would happen to me, but so that no one can say I was asking for it.


So while mothers and wives serve their husbands, wear baggy clothes to cover their curves, and swim only during the women's hour (which is 3 pm- very convenient for the modern woman!), rape is being justified and justice for the victim is forgotten.


I have been to enough lectures to know that after a long rant like this there is always someone in the audience who will raise her/his hand and ask, "so, what are your proposed solutions?"  


Well, first of all, no one needs my american minded solutions. India is a wild beast of its own with incredibly intelligent feminists who are working for every woman's right. Indian NGOs are finding innovative ways to educate society about the value of a woman and putting lots of pressure on the government to make space for women in politics.  


Today, could be a historic day in India, that is if the Women's Bill (reserves a 1/3 of parliamentary seats for women) passes.  A few days back Prime Minister Singh declared that the "[women's] movement" will be accelerated by hiking 33% quota in panchayats [rural ruling bodies] and urban local bodies to 50%. "More significantly, we are moving towards providing one-third reservation for women in LS and state legislatures," he added.


But a war of the words breaks out and history is put on hold: 
political bla bla bla


Ah! But Happy Women's Day, whatever that means.